RED comments

[Jewel Leigh]

Post your thoughts on dejirah's story "Red" here.

--

The story is good so far. It took me a bit to get into it, but the end of the prologue intrigued me, so I think it's off to a good start!

Regarding the name "RahabDelta2A." That's a mouthful. Towards the end of the prologue, she started being written as simply "Rehab." I recommend doing that from the start - except when you first introduce the character or when others are talking to her.

Also, in introducing her character, a description of the character would be nice. With a name like "RahabDelta2A" I'm not even sure if she's human, much less her approximate age and so forth. There's little bits as the story goes on, but nothing concrete for getting a mental image of this strange world.

Last of all - this isn't really a comment of your story itself, but it would help if you put spaces between each paragraph (like I'm writing now). Of course, a real book wouldn't have spaces, but books have indents and the pages are smaller. So spaces help on a wide screen computer. : )

[dejirah]

Haha, I'm actually using a picture by Sakimichan (she gave permission) for Rahab, so I've attached it.
I plan on asking someone to photoshop me a cover with the picture of her and a picture of lukas and a red planet behind them.

Attachments:

[Jewel Leigh]

Oh wow. That's pretty cool. XD

[dejirah]

Here's Lukas. I actually sent her a message, asking if she would be willing to make a cover for me (I'd pay her; it would motivate me to finish it since I spent money on it).

Attachments:

[Jewel Leigh]

Did she draw those just for you?

If she isn't able, I'd be willing to make a cover for you. Using those drawings, I mean. I don't think I could replicate anything like that drawing-wise. She's really good.

[dejirah]

She is really good, and no she didn't. I found them on her tumblr (because she posts unfinished doodles there and not on da) and sent her an ask, asking if I could use them, obviously with credit.

[Riddikulus]

I liked it. It was unique and had a nice flow to it that I enjoy when I'm reading. Also, there was a good amount of details about the area/setting which helps to make a mental picture.

The story-line seems interesting, as well as the characters.

I would like to read more.